Beyoncé to Kimyé: Congrats!

So much chemistry

This here blog has had its fair share of fun marveling at the spectacle that is Beyoncé Knowles-Carter. Only Beyoncé is self-serious enough to believe raffling off face time with her mother is worth something of value. Only she is so disciplined that she can make hecklers dissipate into thin air and continue the next verse of her song.

So it’s comforting to see that Beyoncé can sustain the same level of grandiosity when she congratulates a close friend and fellow mother.

For Beyoncé, a simple Tweet and text message isn’t enough. She needs to blow up her website with a black and white splash page of Yeezus and the Lion of the Kardashian Chimera.

Meet Beyoncé’s Mom for $25K

Bey loves Tina so much, she's gonna bill you $25K (WENN)

Celeb auctions typically earn donors lavish gifts or once in a lifetime opportunities. Beyoncé’s charity stunt has her raising $25,000 for the unforgettable experience of being apart of her style team. If even Beyoncé herself believes she’s “more powerful than my mind can even digest and understand,” then you can expect she’s going to put peon donors to work helping her chew.

Beyoncé Gets Spanked

On some days, when I stare wistfully at the live stream of the White House exterior, I wonder if President Obama, out of all of the people on the planet, wishes he could trade places with Beyoncé. Leaving aside the whole “being married to his favorite rapper” thing, O must envy Bey’s vise-like-control over her own narrative, despite the fact that this year it’s been trying its hardest to squirrel away from her.

Monday’s “dap on the donk,” for example, is the latest in a string of shenanigans that have befelled the international superstar.

In the midst of crooning her anti-men anthem, “Irreplaceable,” a fan who was either hammered or off his medication gave it up for Bey with a hearty pat on her “back.”