Throughout the centuries, men and women have heard the call of duty to their country. All too often it has fallen on the deaf ears of a Benedict Arnold or a Ron Paul. But others, nobler of mind and heartier of soul and body, have answered the summons of patriotism with an unflinching yes: Betsy Ross, Ulysses S. Grant, Peter Thiel.
In 2017, the call has come from Kellyanne Conway: "Go buy Ivanka's stuff," words that ring in the ears of patriots like the music of the kingfisher in early spring or the sound of the lapping Colorado as it passes through the mighty Grand Canyon on its merry, meandering way toward the azure Sea of Cortez.
What are you waiting for, dear reader? Answer the call. Buy Trump merchandise.
Trump Winery Taste of Trump Gift Package, $72
Experience the taste of unified Republican government with the 2010 Sparkling Blanc de Blanc, the 2015 Viognier, and the 2015 Cabernet Sauvignon. Also includes 12 gold foil-wrapped deluxe chocolates emblazoned with the Trump logo. Trumpwinery.com.
Ivanka Trump Tassel Fringe Point-Toe Pumps, $130
Runs true to size with three and a half inch heel. Available in red, black, and gold. Lord and Taylor.
Donald J. Trump Signature Collection Necktie, varies
Perfect for the gentleman who wants to exude the three c's: class, confidence, and cajones. Available only from second-hand retailers—for now. eBay
Ivanka Trump Studded Sheath Dress, $138
Fabulous scooped neckline with studded bodice and hidden zipper in blush or black. Macy's.
Melania Trump Caviar Complexe C6 Collection, varies
From the original catalogue listing: "Through intense collaboration with Melania’s research laboratory, it was discovered that the secret to anti-aging can be explained in three distinct parts. This is known as the aging pyramid. … The Melania Collection is made of 100% pure Caviar Complexe C6™. These patent-pending formulas consist of caviar imported from a cultured sturgeon farm in the South of France. The quality control processes ensure that the caviar is harvested at optimal ripeness so as to maximize the nutrients and the formulation results." Various second-hand retailers.
Trump Vodka, $499
Beautifully presented and exceptionally smooth, it was once projected to become America's bestselling spirit. Make that dream a reality. Flask Fine Wine and Whisky.