Hillary Bores Kids Nearly to Death at Her Own Rally


A group of first graders were lulled to sleep at a Hillary Clinton rally in Chicago Monday.

The children swayed in a line behind Clinton and sported signs with catchy slogans like “1st Grade Latinas for Hillary” and “First Hillary then Hermione.”

One little girl to the left of Clinton found it especially difficult to keep her eyes open, yawning with every mention of “breaking down barriers” or living up to one’s “God-given potential.” She was especially bored when Clinton discussed “quality affordable insurance,” and yawned for a full nine seconds.

Though Clinton’s stump speech bored the first graders almost to tears, Clinton has boasted about her excellent relationship with her granddaughter, Charlotte, who she said inspires her to save the world.

“You’re so focused on just enjoying and marveling and loving to the Nth degree,” Clinton said of her experience with baby Charlotte. “But you also have this perspective like, ‘Oh my gosh, I want to make sure that the world is OK and that, you know, things are right, and we have to save the planet.’”

Clinton has also defined herself as “a grandmother with two eyes and a brain.” In December, she released a controversial list of “Seven ways Hillary Clinton is just like your abuela.”

Despite her close relationship with her granddaughter, Clinton has polled poorly with young voters, especially when compared to rival Bernie Sanders. Some have pinned Clinton’s low numbers with millennials on her lack of trustworthiness and involvement in an array of scandals. Others have suggested that Clinton faces an “enthusiasm gap” with rival Bernie Sanders, who appears more sincere.

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