It has been said that the jungle’s deadliest animals tend not to be the largest ones, most easily seen by the naked eye. Rather, the most dangerous are those smaller creatures, lying in wait, camouflaged by the forest canopy or the detritus of the jungle floor. It is these animals, whose bites strike like lightning out of the black night that bring instant death to those who do not tread lightly.
Similar things have been said of mankind itself, for the deadliest of men strike from unforeseen angles, seemingly out of nowhere, killing their prey before the corpse hits the floor.
Buckley Carlson is one such man.
In mid-March of 2015 an email exchange commenced between Amy Spitalnick, an underling to New York City’s communist mayor Bill De Blasio, and two editors at the Daily Caller, a world-renowned and highly trafficked website known for its elaborate photo galleries of the planet’s most beautiful women.
Spitalnick’s opening salvo to DC editors Peter Fricke and Christopher Bedford accused the publication of misreporting the colossal spending plans outlined by the communist mayor and accused the website of publishing a "totally inaccurate" news item. The Caller’s editors respectfully disagreed in a reply email and a back-and-forth exchange continued for several minutes. The editors stood by their work throughout and the spokesperson held firm in her demand for a correction until Spitalnick elevated her complaint to Tucker Carlson, the founder and editor-in-chief of the Daily Caller.
Carlson, copied on the exchange, vociferously defended his publication’s work in his reply and agreed with Bedford that the tone of Spitalnick’s emails were indeed "whiny." Mr. Carlson went on to suggest that Ms. Spitalnick correspond in a more congenial manner when communicating with those outside of the New York City metropolitan area.
Unbeknownst to the other participants in the multi-party email exchange, however, Mr. Carlson blind-copied (BCC) his brother Buckley the reply email that he sent to Spitalnik, thus setting the deadly trap.
At exactly 3:18 p.m. EDT on March 25, 2015, the viper struck in the form of a "reply all" email.
From: Buckley Carlson
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2015 3:18 PM
To: Tucker Carlson; Spitalnick, Amy (OMB)
Subject: Re: Correction Needed
Great response. Whiny little self-righteous bitch. "Appalling?"
And with such an ironic name, too…Spitalnick? Ironic because you just know she has extreme dick-fright; no chance has this girl ever had a pearl necklace. Spoogeneck? I don’t think so. More like LabiaFace.
Killed by a man’s email, shot in the darkness of cyberspace the instant the send button was clicked.
Leaked to listicle silo Buzzfeed, the email exchange instantly went viral, thereby assuring that the words "spoogeneck," "dick-fright," and "LabiaFace," are now forever linked to the name of the communications director for the communist mayor of the largest city in the United States.
For his service and on behalf of a grateful nation, the Washington Free Beacon is honored to permanently attach to Buckley Carlson’s name the following phrase: 2015 Man of the Year.
