Second Look at Kate Upton for President?

upton flag

One thing you want in a president is someone who loves the Constitution—and someone who has a hale and hearty constitution. Our president has to travel the world on behalf of the United States, going from the tropical climes of Southeast Asia to the frosty steppes of Russia. You want someone who isn’t going to wilt in the face of pressure, someone who can handle whatever the weather throws her way.

In other words, you don’t want someone who melts in the mid-70s.

Read More

Why ‘Basket of Deplorables’ May Help Clinton

'The basket is huge, folks. HUGE!' / AP

Hillary Clinton is a bad politician in the sense that she has trouble getting people to support her. See, for instance, when she lost what should have been a very easily won presidential primary to a half-term senator or when she had trouble closing out an ancient white socialist who had captured the hearts and minds of the youth wing of the youth party. People don’t like her and they don’t trust her and she hasn’t really done anything to help herself in the “likability” or “trust” departments. She is what she is.

Read More

NFL Week 1 Picks, Obviously With Pictures

carly lauren feature

Last year, the Washington Free Beacon completed a five-month-long study into whether betting on football teams based on how hot their fans are is a viable money-making strategy. The results were staggering. Week after week the wins piled in. It was like that scene in 21, the decent movie about the MIT Blackjack Team where they make a …

Read More

The Ten Best Cigarettes in the World

Screen Shot 2016-09-09 at 11.15.09 AM

It isn’t, actually. But the other day—was it Wednesday?—I saw people tweeting about National Beer Lovers’ Day, another one of those fake marketing holidays. There were Coors Light ads all over the Internet, which was nice, I guess. Tobacco companies never get to do things like this. Outside the pages of a handful of enlightened magazines, …

Read More

In Which Gary Johnson Disqualifies Himself for the Presidency

Image by Gage Skidmore via flickr

As someone who thinks this election basically boils down to the two evil sides of Richard Nixon duking it out for the nuclear suitcase, I’ll admit to having been Johnson-curious* for a bit.

Read More

Nobody, Including Me, Knows Anything and Everybody Should Stop

don't @ him, bros

Does anyone care that a mountain climbing enthusiast and self-professed “entrepreneur in the cannabis space” doesn’t know the name of one of the world’s great cities? For about 15 minutes this morning I pretended that I did care. I was lying to myself.

Read More

Treks to the Stars, Ranked


Today is the 50th anniversary of the debut of Star Trek, according to stuff I read on Twitter. This, of course, necessitates a ranking of Star Trek TV shows, because no anniversary can pass without arbitrarily deciding which things we like about a thing in order to celebrate that thing. Hooray, things!

Read More

North Korea’s ‘Commercial’ Airline Needs to Be Banned

North Korean workers labor next to Air Koryo jets lined up on the tarmac of the airport near Pyongyang, North Korea / AP

There is a tendency for western media to treat Air Koryo, North Korea’s only “commercial” airline, as an opportunity for humor. The fact that it has been named the world’s worst airline by an industry group for four straight years plays a role in the company’s attractiveness as a butt for jokes, as do the propaganda films that play on its small fleet of Tupolev and Antonov jets (there is no volume control) and the mystery meat burgers served by its flight attendants.

But Air Koryo is no joke. It is an arm of the Kim family’s military-gangster complex, implicated in smuggling cash for Pyongyang’s slave labor enterprises, and has been implicated in weapons trafficking.

Read More

Brookings Institution: Both Clinton and Trump Will Bankrupt the Country

Screen Shot 2016-09-07 at 3.40.10 PM

That at least is what I’m given to understand after playing a new version of the venerable think tank’s Fiscal Ship video game. Readers of this website will remember that I am a longtime fan of this particular strategy title. For those of you out of the loop, the goal of the game is to select policies that …

Read More

My Aborted Monster Hunting Expedition

It might be the most memorable lede I have ever read in our paper of record: At the edge of dark, dark woods in South Carolina, children have been telling adults that a group of clowns have been trying to lure them into the cluster of trees. They say the clowns live deep in the woods, …

Read More

The Marxists Three Hours From Miami

Opposition rally in Caracas, Venezuela on Sept. 1, 2016 / Twitter

Construction worker Pedro Pirela and his neighbors heard a water truck that supplies nearby hotels coming down the road. They rushed to block the street, stopped the driver, and siphoned off the prized liquid. “Water is gold now,” Pirela told the Wall Street Journal earlier this year, saying he and his fellow plotters had no choice but to steal. In fact, Pirela admitted he had ambushed another water truck on a separate occasion. Venezuela’s nationwide water shortage has devastated the country to the point that citizens have had to mimic Pirela’s actions just to stave off dehydration.

Read More

Don’t Talk to Anyone, Ever


So, a guy wrote a post explaining “How to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones” that was filled with lines like this:

Read More

Why I Hate Celsius

Do you even know who this is?

Nothing is more boring than having to defend our imperial units against metric bores. There are only two species of the latter: people who, bless them, grew up with the metric system and simply don’t know any better; and faux-sophisticates, people who F—ing Love Science but don’t understand that astrophysicists and NFL players require different things from their …

Read More

Gene Wilder’s Endearing Menace

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

Like the rest of the civilized universe, I was saddened to hear of Gene Wilder’s death yesterday. Despite the fact that he hadn’t appeared in a major motion picture for some 25 years, he left an enduring mark on the cinematic landscape. You don’t really need me to tell you this, you just need to look at the titles associated with him: Young FrankensteinBlazing SaddlesThe Producers, and, of course, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Read More

Obama, Hillary, Biden, Trump—They’re Just Like Us

Your trial awaits, normal citizen / AP

If the past week has reminded us of anything, it is that world-historical politicians are people just like you and me, except they are on live television.

Read More