Most Annoying Moviegoers, Ranked

woman using a cell phone in a movie theater

In the latest mini-episode of the Substandard, Vic, JVL, and myself decided to do an old-man rant about something that really grinds our gears: people who can’t behave themselves in movie theaters. After the podcast (subscribe, review, etc.), I shall DEFINITIVELY RANK the three worst type of moviegoers. 3. Loud talkers/eaters So, obviously, people who …

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Is The Rock Overrated? (No. But… )

In the latest Substandard, JVL, Vic, and I discuss the national zoo, watch porn*, and the parlous state of the film franchise scene as represented by Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales and Baywatch: We Think Corpse Dicks Are Funny AF**. Listen below! Subscribe/leave a review here. Every time you leave a review, Jonah Goldberg gets three percent sadder, so make sure to harsh his buzz just a bit. After the jump, we consider the curious case of Dwayne Johnson, the most likable actor in America with some of the worst taste in movie choices.

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Our Favorite War Movies and Meeting R. Lee Ermey (New Substandard)

In this post-Memorial Day micro episode of the Substandard, we look at our favorite war movies (and no, Casualties of War is not one of them).

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Ridley Scott’s Versatility Is His Greatest Strength

In the latest episode of The Substandard—literally the only podcast you, or anyone else, should be listening to—JVL, Vic, and I discussed Alien: Covenant and the career of Ridley Scott. You can download the show here (and also leave a review, if you feel like it) or listen below. Below the podcast, I want to briefly …

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Early Voting Is Bad, Montana Edition

Of all the news I expected to break last night, “Republican GOP Candidate Assaults Reporter” was not up there. But, well, here we are:

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Was That an Ad for Jägermeister or ‘Hostel’?

Of all the disturbing things I saw during last night’s episode of The Americans, perhaps most disturbing was the ad for Jägermeister.

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Amazon’s Anti-Theft Efforts Should Be Applauded—But They’re Not Enough

Amazon warehouse

I’m currently reading Jonathan Taplin’s Move Fast and Break Things, which I feel should have the subtitle, Actually, Tech Companies Are Bad And Things Were Better When People Did LSD And There Were No Libertarians.* I was especially amused by Taplin’s faux-horror here:

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Roger Moore’s Martini

Actor-humanitarian Sir Roger Moore died today at the ripe-old age of 89. On television he was Simon Templar in The Saint, but he is best known for playing British Secret Service Agent 007 in seven James Bond films, from 1973 to 1985.

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You All Need to Get Over Jimmy Fallon Tousling Donald Trump’s Hair That One Time

“I was just trying to have fun.” Remember these words. They’re part of the dramatic centerpiece of New York Times television writer Dave Itzkoff’s May 17 feature on Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon. They are Fallon’s explanation for his unforgivable sin of—what? A DUI? A hit-and-run? An extramarital affair? Worse. He tousled Donald Trump’s hair. Eight months ago. For …

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Best Burger Chain? Five Guys, Obviously

In the latest Harris Poll EquiTrend rankings, Five Guys triumphed over the forces of evil and displaced In-N-Out at the top of the burger chain rankings.

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SHE SHALL PERSIST: Here’s How Hillary Clinton Will Become President In 2017

Hillary Clinton

Donald Trump’s impeachment is imminent, and the majority of his cabinet is implicated in his treason. Hillary Clinton was supposed to be our president in 2017. It was her turn. She won the popular vote, but lost the rigged election because of Russia. Fortunately, there’s a good chance that Hillary will be sworn in as president before …

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Nobody Knows Anything (Except that Audiences Are Stupid)

I am fascinated by this paragraph from a Deadline writeup of Alien: Covenant‘s mediocre box office opening. Specifically, the bolded line:

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TRIGGER WARNING: Trump’s ‘Witch Hunt’ Claim Offends Accused Witches

More than a dozen women and men accused of witchcraft in this sleepy New England village are criticizing President Donald Trump for saying the current investigation of possible ties between his campaign and the Russian government is “the greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!”

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Guy Ritchie Films, Ranked

In the latest Substandard, Vic, JVL, and I lamented the passing of Powers Boothe (a longer remembrance here, if you’re interested) and discussed the latest film from Guy Ritchie, Chav King ArthurIn an effort to troll me, JVL claimed to like it, going so far as to say it’s the third-best Guy Ritchie film.

This is codswallop, as the kids* say. Codswallop! Chav King Arthur is trash and everyone knows it. Indeed, it is right near the bottom of any proper appreciation of Guy Ritchie’s films. Which, after the podcast, we shall rank.

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American Hero Sues History’s Greatest Monster

woman using a cell phone in a movie theater

I think we have a frontrunner for Free Beacon Man of the Year, folks:

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