On Spoilers

SPOILER: Captain America and Iron Man are in 'Captain America: Civil War'

Of all the complaints that annoy film critics, one that’s right up near the top is “hey, why’d you spoil that for me?” when you’ve done nothing but explain basic plot points needed to understand the film’s story and discuss it more broadly.* Here’s the thing, folks: If you want to know “do critics like this …

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RIP, Forbearance

mob pitchforks

I’m a big believer in separating the personal and the political. I wrote a longish essay on the topic titled “Forbearance.” Live and let live, you know? Just because you disagree with someone, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, like, listen to their music or eat their food or tow their car when they break down.

Unfortunately, live and let live is not a terribly popular philosophy at the moment.

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Who Is Going to Miss John Kasich?

John Kasich

John Kasich left the race for the Republican presidential nomination this evening. Like Jeb Bush and Carly Fiorina, he is someone whose departure is worth mourning, I think.

Despite his impressive record in his home state, it is clear to me now that Kasich never had a chance of winning his party’s presidential nomination in 2016. In a series of primary contests that will be remembered by historians for back-and-forths about the size of Donald Trump’s manhood and the use of vulgar slang words for female anatomy on the campaign trail, it was always a pleasure to see the governor of Ohio, a resolute foe of drug use, obscenity in television and music, sleazy video games, and many other nasty things, making his stand on behalf of decency and Midwestern manners.

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AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY: KATE UPTON ENGAGED

PC-NWP / Splash News

It is with great regret that I must report that Kate Upton, our finest existing representation of American greatness and muse of the Washington Free Beacon, is off the market and has been for weeks. Upton announced the engagement at last night’s Met Gala by showing up wearing an engagement ring given to her by Detroit Tigers pitcher …

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‘Ideal Spokesman’ for Sex Offenders Ideal Candidate for Sex Offender Registries

Galen Baughman, delivering a Tedx talk titled 'Are We All Sex Offenders?'

Over the weekend, I happened across a piece at Slate about a guy on a sex-offender registry who has been pitched as the “ideal spokesman” for sex offenders looking to get off of onerous lists that makes them community pariahs. As someone who frequents libertarian weblogs, I often hear horror stories about these registries—the 18-year-old who sleeps with the 17-year-old and winds up on a sex offender registry for life, that sort of thing—so I was curious to see what this Galen Baughman had done. Turns out that he, uh, wasn’t exactly a borderline case.

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Possibly Controversial Opinion: Attractive Cheerleaders > Unattractive Cheerleaders

Father of the greatest living president surrounded by deeply problematic women (AP)

Your outrage du jour is that the University of Washington had the temerity to suggest that cheerleaders should be attractive. The horror!

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Four Political Comedy Pitches to Help Hollywood Prove Conservatives Wrong

kennedys everywhere

I’m not a huge fan of anti-Hollywood culture war stuff, insofar as I find it rather boring and only kinda-sorta warranted. But sometimes The Biz goes out of its way to prove that they are, in fact, ridiculously biased caricatures. Two small items. Item the first: That’s right: Variety is reporting that noted comedic actor Will Ferrell is going to play …

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BREAKING: The Republican Governors Association Just Followed Kasich on Instagram

John Kasich / Instagram

The Republican Governors Association is now following the Republican governor of Ohio on Instagram, the Washington Free Beacon has learned. Previously the Free Beacon reported that the Washington-based 527 organization, which Gov. John Kasich of Ohio follows along with 21 other accounts on the photo-sharing site, was not reciprocating the social media outreach efforts of the former chairman of the House …

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Jeff Jarvis, Meet Barbra Streisand and Her Magical Effect

Jeff Jarvis (via flickr user Eirik Solheim)

There is a journalism professor by the name of Jeff Jarvis who is prone to using buzzy words and talking about life in the netizen age. You can get a sense for his work in this rather scathing review of one of his books by Evgeny Morozov.

There is a Twitter account by the name of @ProfJeffJarvis that parodies not only the real Jarvis’ mode of thinking but the mode of thinking adopted by his fellow thinkfluencers.

The real Jeff Jarvis is very angry that the fake Jeff Jarvis exists, for reasons that are relatively obvious.

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John Kasich Can’t Get People to Follow Him Back on Instagram

John Kasich / Instagram

John Kasich is following 22 accounts on Instagram, only seven of which are definitely following him back, a Washington Free Beacon analysis found. Kasich is currently followed by Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin, Gov. Terry Branstad of Iowa, Gov. Bryan Sandoval of Nevada, Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey, Sen. Rob Portman and Rep. Pat Tiberi …

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‘Alien Day’ Is the Most Egregiously Dumb Way to Move Merchandise EVER DEVISED

On this 'Alien Day' just remember that you are John Hurt.

So, a few weeks, maybe a month or two ago, I started seeing film sites talking about “Alien Day.” The Alamo Drafthouse, for instance, would be showing Alien and Aliens in a double feature today, April 26. Bottleneck Gallery and Mondo—two print shops I admire greatly and whose art adorns my office and home walls alike—were both offering Alien Day prints. Indeed, Mondo was offering a whole line of Alien Day clothes, including this keen facehugger knit ski mask:

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Why Is Bernie Sanders Even Legal?

From my cold, dead hands…

Yesterday, at an hour when many of us were either fulfilling Sunday obligations to our Lord or sleeping, Bernie Sanders was appearing on Chuck Todd’s television program. I haven’t watched his entire appearance because I have strong moral and aesthetic objections to the Sunday morning show format. What I did see, though, was the junior senator from Vermont questioning the legality of cigarettes.

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Beyonce’s ‘Lemonade’ Is …

Queen Bey kicks all other music off the planet as it is unfit to exist on the same celestial body as her. / AP

Beyonce’s Lemonade is stunning and brave.

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Ten Women President Trump Might Put on U.S. Currency

donny trump hundy

It was announced this week that the United States would be putting a woman on its currency—an idea the Washington Free Beacon put forth long ago.

Unfortunately, the public failed to get behind putting America’s sweetheart Kate Upton on the $10 bill and we lacked the power to strong-arm the Treasury into making the change. That power could soon be in the hands of Republican frontrunner Donald Trump, and it looks like he will have only the likely prison-bound Hillary Clinton in his way.

Trump of course would only change the $100 bill because Trump, as a result of his many very successful companies, is very, very rich, and smaller denominations of money likely won’t be needed once America is great again.

Here are ten women Trump might choose as a replacement for Benjamin Franklin:

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Bigoted, Garbage Teacher Is Bigoted Garbage

University of North Carolina Chapel Hill / AP

If you want to understand what bias in academia looks like, you should read this essay by “Myrtle Lynn Payne” (a pseudonym). In it, she reveals that she is hesitant to write a recommendation for one of her students because that student has different beliefs than her on an important issue of the day.

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