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You'll Be SHOCKED by What this NBA Player Believes. So What?

History's greatest monster
April 16, 2014

There I was, minding my own business on the bus (a Circulator to Georgetown, if you must know), when a SHOCKING and STUNNING piece of information wound up on my iPhone. I couldn't believe what I was reading. You might want to sit down.

It turns out that basketball superstar Blake Griffin doesn't believe things that Deadspin writer Tom Ley believes. And it has BLOWN LEY'S MIND.

Take a moment. Catch your breath. And then let's see what heresy Young Master Griffin subscribes to.

Here's Ley:

There's an interview with Blake Griffin in the latest issue of Rolling Stone that contains one particularly alarming bit of information.

Goodness! What could be the matter? Is he ill? Does he have a short time to live? Does he, say, murder drifters in order to get erections? Is he giving up the game of basketball to become a full-time Juggalo?

It appears that Blake Griffin is a hardcore, Jesus-rode-a-dinosaur-type creationist.

Mother of god. That's way worse.

At one point, the interviewer brings up the fact that Griffin was home-schooled as a child

Ew. GROSS.

and then (jokingly, I'm assuming) asks Griffin if he is Team Creationism or Team Evolution.

don't say creationism don't say creationism don't say

[Griffin's response] I was raised in a Christian household and went to a Christian high school, so I believe in creationism, for sure.

[expletive deleted]

The interviewer asks Griffin if he really thinks the Earth is only 6,000 years old

don't say somewhere around there don't say somewhere around there don't say somewh

[Griffin's response] I don't want to do the math, but somewhere around there.

[MUCH LOUDER EXPLETIVE DELETED]

We really, really hope he was joking.

God, me too. Because lord knows, every time I disagree with an athlete—or a movie star, or a musician—on matters that are totally unrelated to their field of excellence, I automatically admire them exactly 23.94% less. I mean, I can barely even look at this sick dunk

BLAKE-GRIFFIN-DOMINATION

without wanting to retch. For [expletive deleted]'s sake, he believes something I think is untrue. How can I ever admire him again? How can I watch this hilarious and self-deprecating ad knowing what I know now? If he isn't joking I might just have to [expletive deleted]ing kill myself for ever having been fooled into admiring his skills.

Who will join me in burning his jersey? We who live the politicized life should do at least that much to prove how much more righteous—how much smarter, how much better—we are than this dangerous rube.

Published under: The Politicized Life