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What the 2016 GOP Field Would Look Like if It Was as Pathetic as the Democratic Field

AP
September 22, 2015

The 2016 Democratic field is a sad collection of old white people, and could become even older and whiter if Joe Biden, 72, decides to run. It's sort of pathetic, actually.

Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Martin O'Malley, Joe Biden

The Republican field, by contrast, is diverse, young, and far more entertaining. But what if it looked more like the Democratic field? By attempting to construct an equivalent collection of GOP candidates, we can get a better sense of the pathetic nature of this year's Democratic field.

Hillary Clinton = Dick Cheney

cheneyclinton

Old, career politician, despised by left wing of Democratic Party, pro-Iraq War, human-machine hybrid (Cheney's heart; Hillary's whole being)

Bernie Sanders = Ron Paul

sanderspaul

Old, crotchety, paranoid, alternative ideologue, popular with millennial hipsters

Martin O'Malley = Arizona Governor Doug Ducey 

brosbro

Governor no one has heard of, looks like a total bro

Lincoln Chafee = Charlie Crist

crist

Generic former governor, party switcher

Jim Webb = Lindsey Graham

webbgraham

Senator and military veteran with a focus on foreign policy, polling at zero percent

Harvard Professor Lawrence Lessig = Joe the Plumber

joeplumb

Irrelevant caricature

Joe Biden = Mitt Romney

bidenrom

The president we need, but don't deserve; the only candidate who can save his party

Imagine if the 2016 Republican field looked like this:

gopfield

That's how sad the modern Democratic Party has become.