- Washington Free Beacon - https://freebeacon.com -

Think Piece Suggestions for 'It Follows'

I reviewed It Follows this week. It's quite good! (The movie, I mean. Not my review, which is, at best, passable.) You should check it out. One of the things I really liked about the flick is how basic the horror at the center of the plot is: If you have sex with someone being followed by It—a phantasm of sorts that can take the form of anyone and cannot be stopped—It will now follow you and, if It catches you before you have sex with someone else to pass along the curse, It will kill you.

This sort of action is so bare bones that it can be interpreted virtually anyway you like.* As I joked with a friend, it's the film that will launch a thousand dissertations.

But before the dissertations will come the think pieces. Allow me to suggest a few think pieces that would be perfect for It Follows, as well as the outlets to which you should pitch them.

It Follows and the Horrors of Premarital Sex

Pitch to: Literally any Christian website that also dabbles in culture writing

Here we have a film in which a promiscuous girl has sex and, as a result, is knocked out by a creep who takes her to an abandoned building in Detroit and ties her to a wheelchair where he psychologically torments her. As a result of the sex, she is infected with a STD of sorts that she cannot get rid of and will eventually lead to her death, as well as the death of anyone she has sex with. Premarital sex is the worst.

It Follows and the Horrors of Slut Shaming

Pitch to: XOJane or Everyday Feminism

Here we have a film in which a normal young adult does a normal young adult thing: she has sex. And what happens? She is haunted by her choice, made to feel like a trashy slut for engaging in something that every young person does. She is literally followed by the decision she has made for the rest of her days, her reputation in shambles, her life ruined. Slut shaming is the worst.

Dear Single Parent Community: It Follows Is About How Your Kids Are Hurting

Pitch to: The Federalist

One of the neighbors describes the family of our heroine, Jay, as "a mess." And they're not wrong: it's a broken home, dad out of the picture, mom negligent. Consider, for instance, the scene in It Follows that comes after our heroine has had her first encounter with It. She's obviously been through a very traumatic experience: the police had been called, a rape kit administered. You would think that this would cause the film's single mom to become more protective of her daughter. But no. What does she do? She drinks a bottle of wine and passes out. We see her in a single shot, snoozing on the bed as the neighbor kids—including, mind you, a neighbor boy with designs on the traumatized young girl—sleep over in an effort to provide her with some mental comfort. For shame. This is why we need regular, nuclear families. To provide stability.

It Follows and the Unbearable Whiteness of Indie Horror

Pitch to: Pitchfork

So, let me get this straight: You have a horror movie set in the city of Detroit—a city that is just 10 percent white, mind you—and every single character is a white person? All of the victims? All of the iterations of It? All of the random people they talk to or deal with? I hate to single out It Follows, because this is an ongoing problem—think of Cabin in the Woods or Cabin Fever or Scream or any number of other films—but given the setting, this is a pretty egregious effort to erase the existence of POC. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

It Follows and the Unbearable Absence of Kate Upton

Pitch to: The Washington Free Beacon

So, let me get this straight: You have a horror movie set in the city of Detroit—a city that plays host to the Detroit Tigers, whose star pitcher is dating Kate Upton—and you can't find a single character for her to play? AYFKM? Despite all this? [18 images/gifs/vines/YouTubes of Kate Upton] Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

*It's worth remembering that if a metaphor can mean anything, it probably means nothing.