As we know, bicyclists are terrible. They're terrible in large part because they're horribly inconsiderate. They think it's totally fine to do 10 mph on a street in front of a bus carrying 80 people. They think it's fine to do 10 mph on a sidewalk where everyone else is moving 2 mph. They think it's fine to rip up streets and parking spots in order to build infrastructure that very few people use. Their self-absorption is legendary.
It's time to add another chapter to the legend, however. Bicyclists are so self-absorbed that they will violate ebola quarantines and risk spreading an organ-liquifying disease just so they can go on a bike ride. Not even, like, a bike ride to someplace. Just a leisurely spin on their monstrous, two-wheeled contraption.
How long are we going to allow these monsters to roam our streets? Say it loud, say it proud: It's time to Ban Bikes. Or, rather: It's time to Ban Bicyclists.
I think that's a 2016 slogan we can all get behind.