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The Koch Brothers Are Far More Worthy of Worship than the Earth Mother

September 21, 2014

Apparently there's a big rally going on up in NYC right now to support the environment. These people are supporting the environment by expending a ton of CO2 to get to the city to decry the use of CO2. The rally itself is self-evidently absurd; I just wanted to highlight one of the signs seen there:

So, first off, nobody worships the Koch Brothers. But. If one were forced to choose between worshipping the Koch Brothers and worshipping the "Earth Mother," wouldn't it make more sense to worship the Koch Brothers? Consider the following:

  • The Kochs gave $100 million to a hospital to improve the lives of everyone who lives in New York;
  • The Kochs donated $25 million to the United Negro College Fund to help poor minorities attend college;
  • The Kochs gave $35 million to the Smithsonian to improve the knowledge of the nation;
  • The Kochs pledged $100 million to the New York Ballet to improve the cultural life of the city and the nation at large;
  • The Kochs promised $65 million to the Museum of Modern Art to help bring art to the masses.

And that's just a small portion of the billionaires' efforts to improve the lives of every American. What has the so-called Earth Mother done for us? Well:

  • The Earth Mother has sent a plague of Ebola to kill us in the most horrible fashion possible;
  • The Earth Mother shakes the ground in a violent manner, killing hundreds of poor, vulnerable Chinese people;
  • The Earth Mother erupts volcanos, spewing ash into the sky and inconveniencing an entire continent of travelers;
  • The Earth Mother unleashes waves of deadly sharks to kill our surfers.

So, tell me, who do you think we should worship? The billionaire philanthropists who are using their fortune to cure cancer and protect endangered art forms? Or the vengeful, spiteful Earth, which spends all of its time coming up with new ways to murder us?

Seems like an easy choice to me.

Full disclosure: The Koch Brothers have specifically denied providing any funding for the Washington Free Beacon's founding organization, the Center for American Freedom. This should in no way be considered an attempt to entice them to do so.

Published under: Koch Brothers