There is a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Personally, I am thankful that there will be no "pansy Marxist" millennials anywhere near me trying to check my privilege while I drink and watch football all day.
Thanksgiving is no time for Voxplanations about the world. It is a time for being drunk enough and full enough that you don't even care how many football bets you lose.
Also be thankful that if you have been taking my football advice (51-42 this season) and betting on teams based on how hot the girls affiliated with them are, you can afford to buy a nice, big turkey and don't have to skimp on any of the fixins.
As Kenny Powers knows, the fixins are key to any successful Thanksgiving.
Here are my nine picks for week 12:
Philadelphia Eagles AT Detroit Lions
PICK: Lions pick'em
The Lions just won two in a row. I bet Lion fan and 2015 Xbiz Milf of the year Kendra Lust is thankful that this week they get to play Mark Sanchez, just as I am thankful that he will never play for the Jets again.
Kendra loves the Lions. And gardening.
Carolina Panthers AT Dallas Cowboys
PICK: Dallas pick'em
Thankful that America's team always plays on America's greatest holiday.
With America's quarterback Tony Romo back, the Cowboys can't afford to lose this game in Jerry World (America's stadium).
'Merica.
Chicago Bears AT Green Bay Packers
PICK: Packers -9
Actress Sasha Pieterse was born in South Africa, but has embraced American football and become a huge Green Bay Packers fan.
We are thankful for that.
Personally, I am also thankful for Sasha's puppy, who just celebrated a birthday.
San Diego Chargers AT Jacksonville Jaguars
PICK: Jags -4
We are always thankful for Jagspoolbooty...though I do have something that I have been meaning to get off my chest for a while.
WTF is this, Jagspoolbooty?
There should be no dudes allowed in the pool. And there should definitely not be any of pictures like the one below allowed on the Internet.
I love you Jagspoolbooty and know that you are better than this. Clean it up.
New York Giants AT Washington Redskins
PICK: Redskins +3
I am thankful that there is an NFL team that honors Native Americans, who welcomed the pilgrims for the first Thanksgiving meal. Also be thankful that there will always be people saying Washington Football Team out there in the world, ripe for bullying.
We are all Redskin fans this week.
Baltimore Ravens AT Cleveland Browns
PICK: Ravens +2.5
Is there any clearer sign of the pussification of America than the league's coolest quarterback being benched for "partying" during his bye week?
Be thankful this Thanksgiving that you can bet against the fun-police pansies in Cleveland. I hope Johnny is sent to a team that lets him live his life.
Minnesota Vikings AT Atlanta Falcons
PICK: Vikings +1.5
This is Katheryn Winnick, the star of Vikings on the History Channel.
I have never seen the show, but am thankful that somebody is putting her on TV.
Seriously though, why isn't this badass in everything?
Miami Dolphins AT New York Jets
PICK: Jets -3.5
Thankful that the Jets play the Dolphins this week, one of the few teams playing that is more pathetic than we are.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers AT Indianapolis Colts
PICK: Bucs +3
Thankful for Tampa Bay, the home of the original Hooters.