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Headline Suggestions for Reporters Covering the Campaign

Hillary Clinton

People finally—finally—start voting in the primaries today. Well, they start caucusing, which is kind of like voting, but dumber. Anyway, there's lots of news as we head into the actual, real, magical period where, you know, the voting public makes up its mind. Allow me to offer a few headline suggestions for reporters trying to figure out how to put a slightly unique spin on the same news that everyone else is writing up.

Paper Whose Biggest Shareholder is Major Clinton Foundation Donor Endorses Hillary

Carlos Slim / AP

On Saturday, Hillary Clinton received the endorsement of the New York Times, the nation's foremost chronicler of facial hair trends in two of America's largest city's most annoying boroughs.

It's not particularly surprising that the organ of elite liberalism would throw its weight behind the establishment candidate. But it might be worth acknowledging that the paper's largest shareholder, Carlos Slim, also happens to be a major donor to the Clinton Foundation. Also of note in the story linked to above: "Hillary Clinton was paid between $250,000 and $500,000 for a speech she gave to Slim’s Telmex Foundation."

NYT Endorses Clinton Following Editorial Meeting Visit From Clinton Fundraiser

Michael Kors, Hillary Rodham Clinton, and Anna Wintour / AP

Oh, sure, the British-born Anna Wintour probably has other things on her plate than trying to get Hillary Clinton elected. There may be tons of good reasons this "Hillblazer" was sitting in on the New York Times page one meeting following complaints from Clinton surrogates such as David Brock that the paper was unfairly hammering the Democrat. But it might be worth noting, no?

Clinton Endorsed by Paper Whose Foundation She Donated To

AP

Incestuous much? Not only is a major Times shareholder giving the Clinton Foundation money, the Clintons—via "A little-known private foundation controlled by Bill and Hillary Clinton"—are also giving the New York Times' charitable trusts money. Gee, I can't imagine why an outsider like Bernie Sanders is gaining in strength during this international moment of populist anger. Speaking of populism...

Plutocrat Backs Lesser Plutocrat's White House Bid

George Soros / Splash News

You're Hillary Clinton. You and your husband are worth millions upon millions of dollars. You're facing a populist uprising from the anti-one-percent left. Your closest competitor, the relatively impoverished Bernie Sanders, raised $20 million in January. His average donation? A mere $27. So what do you do?

Oh, nothing much, just rely on gigantic sums of money from a guy worth tens of billions delivered to a Super PAC backing you to beat down the Bernie Bros. Seems like a great idea, no?