Star Wars: The Last Jedi Trailer (New Mini-Substandard!)

The Last Jedi trailer

OK, so, here's the thing from Friday that everyone was really excited about that I'm just blogging about now, because timeliness is overrated—almost as overrated as the new Star Wars: The Last Jedi trailer is:

So, look, obviously I'm excited that the filmmakers are suggesting Luke Skywalker has realized that he's nothing more than a brainwashed peasant doing the bidding of an extremist religious sect and that said sect needs to be eradicated. That's clearly the highlight of this teaser.

But it's the only one and that's kind of a bad sign, given that Star Wars isn't a series that's exactly, ah, known for its philosophical or intellectual heft. It's known for its virtuosic imagery, its stunning vistas, its intense set and character designs, its cool weapons and aerial acrobatics. Simply put, there's nothing as visually evocative as this

or instantly, iconically cool as this

or as goosebumps-inducing as the Falcon's return to the big screen accompanied by Williams' score:

I mean, maybe it's not the end of the world, but when the best images from the trailer involve the back of someone's head

or an elderly man's silhouette

I think it's okay to say that this is an underwhelming teaser. And that's fine! You don't have to knock our socks off with the first teaser! Just make sure you get us something good eventually or this movie will only make like $2.2 billion instead of $2.8 billion.

But then again, I'm a no-fun-nik curmudgeon who likes making little children cry by telling them that their preferred entertainments are hot garb. How dare I suggest that this tiny piece of a multi-hundred-million-dollar advertising campaign does not live up to any reasonable person's expectations.

Anyway, JVL, Vic, and I have many interesting thoughts about this trailer in a DOUBLE-STUFFED SUBSTANDARD MINI-EPISODE. Listen here, leave a review at iTunes or Google Play or wherever. I'll be your best friend.**

*Ya burnt, Star Wars! Go cry into your billions, Disney execs. This blogger has your number.

**BunchFact rates this: 17 pinocchios. Sonny has no friends.