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Ranking the 2016 GOP Convention Finalists

Hakkasan Facebook
February 28, 2014

With the RNC narrowing down the number of sites to host the 2016 national convention, the public witnessed the first tangible action in how GOP establishment is approaching the next presidential election, well before any blood is spilled in the midterms.

If you’re attempting to draw any conclusions from the list, good luck. The RNC picked eight sites, double the number of sites in years past. At least the GOP can’t get bashed for shutting out any options. Because they've let them all open.

Since the RNC has more important things to do than select where they want to get blasted at for a week in the middle of the summer, I’ve taken it upon myself to scrutinize and vet each proposed site with the utmost care and professionalism. Thank me later, Reince.

I’ve ranked the finalists from 8 to 1:

8) Cleveland

Cleveland? Really? Cleveland can’t even pay people to stay in Cleveland, evidenced by their recent issues getting a pro football coach and keeping Lebron James. And we're supposed to reward that type of ineptitude? Do we want to lose another election? They can't even pay guys to get in their bars.

Anatomy Facebook
Anatomy Facebook

7) Columbus

Two words: Buckeye Fans.

Diesel Facebook
Diesel Facebook

6) Cincinatti

Three sites in Ohio?! I see what you’re doing here, RNC, making Ohio our Waterloo. We sold out for OH-IO and N-O-THING in 2012. The best Ohio can come up with is paying a D-List celebrity who hasn't been relevant in almost a decade.

Pulse Facebook
Pulse Facebook

5) Kansas City

KC tosses its hat in for any big convention since they’ve spent millions on the Sprint Center and the Power & Light District. But there's a reason they haven't landed an NBA team or paid off massive debt. Don't hitch your wagon to a proven loser.

Mosiac Facebook
Mosiac Facebook

4) Phoenix

Did the RNC not remember they want to host the convention in mid-July to avoid what seems a hurricane crashing into the gulf region every late August? Arizona hovers around 110-120 degrees in August. There's a reason Phoenix only hosts events in the winter: ASU isn't in session.

Smashboxx Facebook
Smashboxx Facebook

3) Dallas

Texas is our big gun with no state income taxes and the best job creation rate in the country. Dallas would also take away an excuse for our greatest living president to skip another convention. While Dallas regularly rolls out nights like the photo below, why give Dems the opportunity to roll out Julian Castro and Wendy Davis at every turn?

Plush Facebook
Plush Facebook

2) Denver

Colorado is interesting since by 2016, the country will see if weed and Obamacare are still issues. 2008 was a smashing success for the DNC, so it wouldn't hurt to examine the other team's playbook. Dems figured something out in 2008.

Beta Facebook
Beta Facebook

1) Las Vegas

The reasons for the RNC to select Vegas are clear. I've been riding with Vegas since back in October and I'm not ditching it yet. Thanks my constant lobbying by spamming Reince on Twitter, Vegas made the final cut, and it’s the obvious choice. The road to '16 starts on the I-15.

Hakkasan Facebook
Hakkasan Facebook

Go bold, GOP. Pick this winner.

Published under: 2016 Election , RNC , Smokes