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Time to Rename the GOP the 'No Donalds Club'

June 16, 2016

Dave Weigel points out that the GOP is running out of time if it wants to do something clever in order to deny Donald Trump the GOP nomination, a drastic course of action that nevertheless seems more reasonable by the day.

I have a simple, three-step plan for rescuing the GOP from Donald Trump:

  1. Rename the Republican Party the "No Donalds Club";
  2. Confirm one other Donald as a member in the party;
  3. Do not allow Donald Trump into the new party.

Some readers may find this a tad familiar, and for good reason: it was the strategy that the Stonecutters used to kick Homer Simpson out of their club despite the fact that he was the long-awaited chosen one to lead them to glory. Here's Homer, explaining a similar situation earlier in life:

If you remember the episode, Homer's behavior and leadership causes the rest of the Stonecutters to loathe what the organization has become. (Seems familiar.) Desperate to get away from him, they take drastic measures:

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I bet we can get George H.W. Bush (pictured above) to back my "No Donalds Club" plan.

The trick here is finding one other Donald to be a member. Donald Rumsfeld would seem to be a logical choice, though he's been a bit too Trump-curious for my taste. Donald Glover, though probably not a Republican, might bite the bullet and hop on board in order to help save the country. Donald Duck is, unfortunately, a cartoon.

I think we'll probably be able to find at least one who will stand up and join, however: "Donald" was the 15th-most-popular baby name in America between 1916 and 2015, somehow. That figure also highlights one of the problems with this plan, namely writing off more than a million voters. But hey, look. Sacrifices have to be made. The GOP either alienates the Donalds or it alienates literally every other group, including niche voting blocs such as "adults" and people "under 50":

If we have to give up the Donalds to win back some percentage of literally the rest of the voting population, well, it'd be worth it. You have a plan, RNC rules committee. The only question is: Do you have the will?