At the beginning of this NFL season I announced that I was no longer going to partake in football betting as a scientific experiment.
I had already proved my theory that betting on teams based on how hot their fans are was a viable money-making strategy, and decided that it was time to have a little fun instead.
And fun we had. First we met Carly Lauren, who is great.
The only thing we didn’t do was hit many games. Things went so bad that I stopped keeping track of my weekly record with Free Beacon picks.
Now it’s the playoffs and it is time to get down to business, so I am going to bring back the system as best I can.
Here are my four picks for the NFL’s Wild Card weekend.
Oakland Raiders AT Houston Texans (Saturday, 4:35 p.m.)
PICK: Raiders +3.5
Picking this game got a lot easier when it was announced that rookie Connor Cook would be starting for the Raiders, because this is his older sister, Jackie Cook.
Cook, a former basketball player at Old Dominion University, has undeniable talent.
With Jackie on the Raider’s side, I strongly advise that you relax and take the points.
P.S. If Jackie wasn’t enough for you, never forget that Josephine Skriver is a Raiders fan too.
Detroit Lions AT Seattle Seahawks (Saturday, 8:15 p.m.)
PICK: Lions +8
It seems like Detroit doesn’t have much going for it in this game, but it is also the hometown of Denice Wimbush, so this will probably be a close one.
Again, take the points.
Miami Dolphins AT Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday, 1:05 p.m.)
PICK: Dolphins +10
The Dolphins are in a perfect position for this playoff matchup for two major reasons. 1) Ryan Tannehill remains too injured to play on Sunday, and 2) his wife Lauren Tannehill and their sweet dog will both probably still be rooting for the Fins.
Just like these pictures would be better without Ryan Tannehill, the Dolphins are better without Ryan Tannehill. Take the points.
New York Giants AT Green Bay Packers (Sunday, 4:40 p.m.)
PICK: Giants +4.5
The public loves to give athletes a hard time for having a good time. The latest example came this week, as reporters won’t stop asking Odell Beckham and his receiver buddies why they decided it was smart to go down to Miami and hang out with Justin Bieber on a yacht.
This is an attack on people who like to chill on boats everywhere, and I am putting myself firmly on #TeamBoat.
Emily Ratajkowski and her friends like boats.
Our new girl Jackie Cook likes boats.
Everybody likes boats.
So leave Odell alone, and again, take the points.