In the latest edition of The Substandard—the greatest pod ever to be cast by mortal men—JVL, Vic and I spend the bulk of our time discussing character actors. Subscribe! Leave a review! Every time you say something nice about the podcast, a puppy gets adopted from a no-kill shelter. You don't ... hate puppies, do you?
Toward the end of the podcast we were asked to rank our favorite Val Kilmer roles. I'm a very straightforward, un-contrarian thinker when it comes to Kilmer: His best roles are, quite clearly, also his most popular roles. But, for the sake of debate, we should probably spell it out.
5. Robert Scott, Spartan
The only real curveball on this list. Spartan is a taut and twisty thriller—it's basically Taken, only if the girl who was taken was the president's daughter and his political team decided to sacrifice her for his reelection campaign—from David Mamet that basically no one has seen. But everyone should see it. Kilmer's great in it: no-nonsense and brutal, laconic and mission-oriented like the film's namesake.
4. Iceman, Top Gun
Of course the hero of Top Gun makes this list. (And if you doubt he's the hero, just listen to the podcast!)
3. Gay Perry, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Kilmer's secret weapon is that he's hilarious. Seriously, go back and watch Real Genius or Top Secret! and tell me he isn't. You can't, unless you want to lie to me, and do you know what we do to liars around these parts? Well, nothing, really. But it's rude. Anyway, Val Kilmer is funny and has great comic timing and the whole reason that Kiss Kiss Bang Bang works is that his gay private eye is a perfect straight man for Robert Downey Jr.'s flaky small time crook.
2. Chris Shiherlis, Heat
The key moment in Heat comes near the end, when a wounded Chris parks his car and is about to head up to see his wife—who is in signaling to him in front of a room crawling with cops. He sees her on the balcony, her eyes welling with tears as she slides her hand across the railing. The message is clear: run. Chris takes the advice, getting out of there as quickly as he can without arousing suspicion. "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner," is Neal McCauley's (Robert De Niro) motto—a motto he can't live up to. Though, strangely, the attachment in his life that he can't walk out on is vengeance, not love. It's a weakness that gets him killed. But Chris isn't as weak. And his strength represents one of the most heartbreaking moments in Michael Mann's entire oeuvre.
1. Doc Holliday, Tombstone
Doc Holliday has the benefit of being handed basically every great line in Tombstone:
"No, I'm sure of it: I hate him."
"I know! Let's have a spelling contest."
"You know, Frederic Fucking Chopin."
"Why Johnny Ringo. You look like somebody just-walked-over your grave."
And, of course:
But those great lines only work when paired with the foppish intensity of Kilmer's lilting-voiced lunger. And that's why this is clearly his greatest work.