Look, I'm a simple man. I like mediocre food offered in enormous quantities, and I like action filmmakers who can tell a story that will also make you laugh a bit. If you're like me—and, let's be honest, you probably are; I am the literal everyman, what with my captain's hat and my linen jackets—you'll probably love the latest episode of the Substandard (subscribe! Review!). Yes, we talk about Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets a bit, as well as the body of work of Luc Besson. But, more important, Vic and I riff on the amazingness of Chinese buffets while a horrified JVL stifles his urge to vomit uncontrollably all over the control panel. You do NOT want to miss this episode.