This year’s World Cup has inspired a display of national unity and pride. The enthusiasm is especially notable because 99 percent of us returned to not caring about soccer as soon as America was defeated by Belgium on Tuesday.
While the World Cup is once every four years, American pride is forever. Whether Old Glory is playing soccer or not, millions of Americans do their part to inspire pride by honoring our colors with patriotic bikinis.
Little known fact: swimsuit season is exactly why our Founding Fathers signed the Declaration of Independence in early July. No excuses: Wear your red, white, and blue bikini like a champion. July 4th is the one day of the year when we renew our vows to kick as much ass as possible in as little clothing as is allowed by municipal law.
Happy Independence Day, Americans!
