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D.C. People Shouldn't Appear on Fictional TV Shows. Ever.

Or: In praise of Rand Paul (!)

March 5, 2015

The most annoying thing about Parks and Rec—NBC's recently departed sitcom about life in local government in Pawnee, Indiana—was the propensity of real-life politicians to make guest appearances on the show.

Don't get me wrong: I loved Parks and Rec. I literally have a recreation of Ron Swanson's "Pyramid of Greatness," featured above, hanging in my office. It was alternately sweet and caustic, and its cast of characters were delightful oddballs.

But it always made me cringe when real-life politicians would show up on the program. It made me cringe for them because their forced attempts at acting and "being cool" were grotesque. And it made me cringe for the show, because they were obviously striving so hard to be seen as a sitcom that "takes government seriously" and "shows how the government helps people."* Vomit.

All of which is to say that I was happy to hear Rand Paul declined an opportunity to be on the show:

We also wanted Rand Paul to be in the Washington episode, and he agreed, but then bailed at the eleventh hour. I think he thought we were making fun of him, or something, which we were not, at all. We were in fact flattering him, by linking him to Ron. I get the sense that maybe interpreting writing and humor is not his strong suit.

My praise is muted somewhat since he made his decision out of fear rather than a principled stand that doing so would be dumb, but still: kudos!

Others in D.C. should follow his example. Journalists: stop going on House of Cards! The show is not only terrible, it makes you look terrible. You look like dopes being played by the politicians. You mutter banalities when you're not forced to spout absurdities. I get it: it's fun to be asked to be in a TV show! You feel cool. But you aren't. No one in D.C. is cool. We're all awful nerds who should feel lucky that we have loved ones. Get over it.

Anyway, when I am king, no one who works in D.C. will be allowed to appear on fictional programs. Don't come to me whining about fascism or your dumb "rights." Like Obamacare, it's for your own good. Trust me on this one.

*The show's final betrayal—portraying Ron Swanson, uber-libertarian, as content in life only when he's given charge of a massive government works program—was, in the words of a friend on Facebook, akin to Winston Smith's proclamation that he loved Big Brother. If you want a vision of the future, imagine Leslie Knope's boot stamping on a mustachioed human face—forever.