Cultural Criticism with Professor Hillary Clinton

This is … hilarious? I dunno, it's something:

Hillary partisans are defending this graf by suggesting that the sentence about 1984—which is most decidedly not about the need to trust our leaders and the press—has nothing to do with the sentence about the importance of trusting one's leaders, despite immediately preceding it. Guys. C'mon. Here's a shorter version of that paragraph: "Authoritarianism is bad because it makes you distrust your leaders (like me, Hillary) and the press (98 percent of whom voted for me, Hillary), when we should both be blindly followed by you because you need to rely on us for the Truth." Not sure how else to put it, but: This is actual authoritarianism.

Anyway, I decided to pick up her book* and see what other critical insights she might have to pass on to our nation's youth. Lots of fascinating stuff here!

Hillary Clinton on Moby-Dick:

"As far back as I could remember, I wanted to be president. It's the one driving passion in my life—as a little girl, I just imagined being able to send troops anywhere I wanted all over the world, being able to crush my enemies with a flick of my wrist and a nod of my head. But after my stunning loss in 2008 to a half-term senator with a crazy name who no one thought could ever appeal to white Americans, I had to stop and reconsider: should I give up? Should I just quit? Should I just stop chasing my dreams?

And then I remembered another hero who refused to give up on his future: Captain Ahab."

Hillary Clinton on They Live:

"I had to fight on many different fronts during the campaign. There were the Bernie Bros, of course, who never gave up on their insistence that I wasn't far enough to the left for them. There was Donald Trump, naturally, my actual, literal opponent. But then there was the media, which covered Donald's gaffes extensively, cutting off all the oxygen for debates over real issues. It reminded me of the John Carpenter classic They Live, in which aliens come to Earth and take over the media to lull us into complacency. I just couldn't get my message out about the damage Trump might do to trade, about the ways in which Trump would make consumption harder, more difficult, more expensive. I just want to provide the people with creature comforts and let them stop thinking; yet here was the media jamming my OBEY signal. It really hurt my efforts."

Hillary Clinton on To Kill a Mockingbird:

"On the campaign trail I met time and again with people who told me horror stories about Title IX abuses—about male students, their sons and brothers, being accused of crimes and having no way to defend themselves within the bureaucratic mishmash created by college administrators trying to cover their own behinds on orders from the Obama administration. They told their tales of woe and my heart was moved—until I thought back to a great book, one we all grew up reading: To Kill a Mockingbird. Despite seemingly insurmountable evidence suggesting that an accused rapist was not guilty, well, a jury of his peers convicted the man. We must always remember the importance of believing victims, no matter how their story doesn't add up."

Hillary Clinton on The Godfather:

"Some people have criticized me for squelching dissent within my campaign. But like Michael Corleone said to Fredo in The Godfather, a film about the American dream and how familial happiness springs from slaughtering your enemies, ‘never take sides against the family.'"

Nutty stuff! It wasn't all wrong, though. I think she really nailed this one:

Hillary Clinton on Star Wars:

"Actually, the Empire was good."

One out of six ain't bad!

*lol no i did not