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Behold: The Worst Trailer of All Time

Welp, Tommy. Ze Germans got here.
January 16, 2017

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair:

As someone who legitimately loves—loves—Guy Ritchie's sophomore offering, Snatch, I have to say that this trailer represents one of the biggest piles of goopy televisual dogshit I have ever seen. In my entire life.

It's like a copy of a copy of a copy of Snatch, a fuzzy rendering of the original that bears some of the hallmarks of the original but only in the slightest of ways. After all, it has British small time hoods and fixed fights and diamonds and Hasids and a rock-and-or-roll soundtrack: same-same, right? Jesus Christ, wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. There's not a single charming thing about this trailer: from the actors to the dialogue to the shots, it's all awful. Awful and abhorrent.

Just as a for-instance: look at the fight scenes. Moved out of the world of bare-knuckle boxing and into the world of the sweet science, the action looks cheap and faded. It's clear they didn't have the money to get a proper number of extras for a legit fight, so everything looks phony, fake. But not as phony as ... this. Whatever this is. This disgusting abomination:

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What in the ever-living-fuck is that slap-fight-punch? How could the trailer-cutter look at that sorry horseshit and think to himself, Yeah, you know what, that actually looks good and real and we should definitely include it as a way of selling the show to people who like a movie with the following:

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and this:

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For God's sake. I'll accept all sorts of bullshit from the entertainment industry. I'll live with seventeen reboots of Spider-Man and crossover events out the wazoo and reboots of sequels of prequels of adaptations set in the distant apocalyptic future where we subsist on zombies brought to life from video games or whatever.

Just leave Snatch alone. Is nothing sacred, you monsters? You vile cretins? How dare you? Have you no decency?