Sunday’s 33-20 dagger of a loss to the Dolphins was the New England Patriots’ first opening day muff since 2003 and awarded New England sole ownership of the AFC East cellar for the first time since Christmas Eve 2000, which is when Tom Brady took over as starting quarterback. The last time the Patriots were in last place, New Hampshire state representative and Republican candidate for Congress Marilinda Garcia wasn’t old enough to vote.
The Patriots were entering their tenth championship-less offseason, sticking with an aging quarterback/fashion model when Garcia started her congressional run back in February. Sure enough, the Pats’ decision bore fruit in Miami just as I returned to New Hampshire over the weekend to witness the blossoming of Garcia’s campaign before today’s primary. On paper, Garcia is a five-star, can’t miss prospect, and I had to make the return trip to see how she performed under the live rush.
No one could have forecasted that the New Hampshire snow would melt away into one of the most scorched-earth primaries in the country. Death Valley doesn’t hold a candle next to New Hampshire’s 2nd district in 2014.
Wendy Davis’s disdain for 40-ounce bottles of malt beverages and for freedom has been well documented. You would think that Gregg Abbott’s lead over his Democratic opponent would therefore be larger than the 28 point spread Texas A&M buggy-whipped South Carolina by last week, instead of the 18 point lead he has. Wendy Davis shares surnames with the Gamecock’s running back and former Heisman hopeful and is performing just as well.
Journalists were busy updating their LinkedIn profiles and congratulating each other for how great they are more than usual yesterday when personal move after personal move was announced on the Twitters. The loudest trumpet of self-congratulation of all came with the news that the Huffington Post had hired former NFL wide receiver Donté Stallworth to cover national security. Stallworth hasn’t been relevant in football since 2008, which raises the question: Did these Beltway media types know whom they were congratulating?
Only when it comes to college football do we believe that the deaths of a girlfriend and grandmother will spur a 21-year-old to lead his team to victory, and accept that a 22-year-old sprained his ankles from leaping off a three-story balcony to rescue a drowning nephew. The NFL may be played on Sundays, but college football is religion, with each team steeped in its own obscure mores, traditions, and believers.
Sports Illustrated swim smokes taking the ice bucket challenge was going to happen eventually. It just was surprising that out of all of the remote locales SI editors could have set the challenge, they chose the least exotic place on the planet: a minor league ball park in Brooklyn.
I’m quite familiar with Ariel Meredith. That’s her on the right, and she is well known throughout the world for her love of goats and disdain for breast augmentation. But I wasn’t as familiar with her friend on the left, Jess Perez.
Get ready for your close-up, Jess.