There’s three types of people I try not to trifle with. The police are self-explanatory. The Mexican cartel as their brand punishment is influenced with a certain macabre poetry.
The third would be SI’s lawyers. Because if they’re gonna do it then, they’re gonna do it big then.
Now that we’ve in the throes of March, it’s as a good a time as any to take a gander at how March Madness is shaping up. What will make the 2013-14 regular season special is the fact that its pre-season hype was more off-target than usual. Heavy money had the deep ACC being shaken up with new additions Syracuse and Pittsburgh—only to have freaking UVA end up swiping the regular season title.
For all of the hubbub over a more-hyped-than-usual freshman class that had Lexington discounting “perfect season” shirts in November, it’s refreshing to see a mid-major like Wichita State to run the table, finish 34-0, and be projected to score a top seed for the first perfect record since the ’91 UNLV Running Rebels.
Since I live in Washington and work for a conservative publication, I guess I’m a little jaded. The enthusiasm that inspires thousands of conservative activists and students to flood National Harbor for CPAC is lost on me.
For thousands of true believers, though, the event is mecca. Being a college student and Republican on a big college campus is a one-way ticket to social leprosy. Trust me, I know. But at CPAC we’re free to let our freak flag fly.
Coincidentally, CPAC falls during spring break this year. And instead of Alien, CRs have Ronny. And just like Selena Gomez, University of Toledo student Kelli Market never wants spring break to end.
After six weeks of breathless anticipation, readers hungry for the “re-imagination” of journalism were finally treated to the first morsel of Ezra Klein’s “Project X” when Matthew Yglesias dropped his first Vox Media-bylined knowledge bomb:
For professor Andrew Bacevich, the crisis in Ukraine is a teachable moment, an opportunity to remind America, as he does on a regular, grandfather-clock-like basis, that we’re not really all that. Ho-hum. Bacevich may well be—and there’s a lot of competition for this title—the most predictable writer in America. Saying he’s criticizing the United States is like saying the sky is blue.
But this time, he may have gone too far. Note the second sentence below:
The polls have closed and the votes have been tallied. After a hard fought campaign, rife with stunning Instagram photos and lobbying on the Twitters, America has a winner.
In the biggest upset since George Mason defeated Connecticut in 2006, Sara Sampaio toppled heavy favorite Emily Ratajkowski to be named Sports Illustrated‘s 2014 Swimsmoke Rookie of the Year.
Much like Obama’s presidential campaign and NASCAR, beauty pageant season never truly ends. It feels like it was only yesterday when Venezuela was in the headlines for claiming the smokiest smoke in the whole Universe, and not for its government’s most recent string of human rights abuses. Simpler days, indeed.
Yet, the show must go on. New galaxies, provinces, and farm shows must crown a fresh queen. Which is exactly what the Jewish State accomplished yesterday.
Most of the wind appears to have been taken out of the sails of a proposed rule change in college football that would implement a 10-second buffer between the start of the play clock and when the ball could be snapped. The rule was universally panned the minute it was first reported and has continued to hemorrhage support.
No other sport lambasts absurdities like college football. The college game’s rabid fan base of state school alums with an affinity for Natural Light makes it a fertile ground for bitingly funny commentary.
Following in the steps of Nebraska Head Coach Bo Pelini interacting with his Twitter alter-ego, the Arizona football department mixed the two things college football fans love, no-huddle and 90s nostalgia, to spread, shred, and slam the final nail into the coffin of the proposed rule:
Ratings for RT have to be approaching a record high. With Vladimir Putin borrowing lessons in strong arm tactics from early 90’s Suge Knight, the Kremlin-owned propaganda channel has become must-see TV.
Lovers of democracy and freedom are losers all around. So far, the only winner in this whole escapade is RT anchor/commentator/activist Abby Martin, who pulled a Howard Beale and blasted the people who sign her checks live on-air.
When people say Washington is childish, I like to direct them to Google on the Sunday afternoon before Monday morning snow, when the search engine shows most people are asking, “Is the federal government open tomorrow?” When civic leaders are trolling weather reports more than their kids, our nation is all kinds of screwed.
It’s time we toughen up. Time we learn from those who are unafraid of the ice, the snow, the cold. Time we turn to Kate Upton.