Brian Hoyer Will Be the Browns’ Starting Quarterback

Who's had a rougher go: your blogger or Johnny Manizel?/AP

I should just retire from trying to predict personnel moves for sports teams in Ohio.

White smoke emitted from Cleveland Browns HQ this morning as head coach Mike Pettine made good on his promise and announced Brian Hoyer will be the Brown’s Week One starting quarterback. The Believeland girl will have to keep that piece of duct tape with Johnny Football’s name in her nightstand drawer just a little longer.

Learn Big Knockout Boxing From Caitlin O’Connor

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For the uninitiated, watching mixed martial arts events can be like traveling to a foreign country, with Saturday’s Big Knockout Boxing being a visit to a more exotic locale than usual. As most fights judge wins by submission or by technicality, BKB is specially designed for knockouts. The only similarity between this flavor of MMA and traditional fighting in the octagon was that it was hosted by knockouts, such as lead knockout ring girl Caitlin O’Connor.

Laura Cremaschi Is Better Than SportsCenter

Laura Cremaschi Instagram

My ambivalence toward soccer is well documented. In the six minute introduction to the newly christened SEC Network, I felt more compelled to watch Georgia gymnastics than I’ve ever felt about watching soccer. Soccer needs to adopt the marketing prowess of Italian glamour model Laura Cremaschi.

You could see Laura lounging on the beach yesterday.

Michelle Lewin Can Teach Us All A Thing or Two

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Since 2012’s tire fire, the Republican Party has made a concerted effort to appeal to Hispanic voters. It wouldn’t hurt if Republicans actually took the time to, you know, learn Spanish.

May I direct GOP activists to Venezuelan fitness guru Michelle Lewin? She’s  a certified Rosetta Stone on Twitter, tweeting bilingually in English and Spanish. By the way, she’s hot.

We Could All Use Some Lisa L. Opie Right Now

Two entrepreneurs hard at work/Splash News

America’s hit a bit of a rough patch of late. And yet, despite suffering heartbreak after heartbreak, Americans carry on, knowing all too well that flourishing through trying times is what makes us, well, American. Of course, most of us can’t afford to fly to Martha’s Vineyard. Our only option is to endure.

Fotunately, we can endure by ogling pictures of beauty queen Lisa Opie.

Revisiting Kate Upton’s Mexican Vacation

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We’re told vacations are more about making lasting memories than sipping mojitos. So I can’t think a better way to trudge through the dog days of summer than by revisiting when Kate Upton decided to read a book at the beach.